how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
