dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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