billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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