she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
