Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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