alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
