Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
