nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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