I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
