Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
