Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
