ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
