I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
