Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
