My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
