I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
