all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
