i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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