Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
