My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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