girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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