Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there's paper in my vomit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
