this boner is exhausting
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My penis needs a shock collar
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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