Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
