Michael Bay diarrhea
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
a search helicopter?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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