So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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