We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
false alarm, still single
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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