Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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