sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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