remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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