He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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