there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
