So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's blow job season.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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