It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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