Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
