You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
