i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
