Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
