were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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