she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
