i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
