my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
