Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
