what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
