she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
