you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
