i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
