so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
