Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
