this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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