so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
