Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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