DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
