I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
