the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
