all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
